Other People's Expectations#
If you pick up trash at work and no one praises you, will you still pick up trash next time? Under the influence of this reward and punishment style of education, a wrong way of life is formed: "If no one praises me, I won't do good deeds."
We do not live to satisfy other people's expectations, and no one lives to satisfy our expectations. Therefore, we do not need to fulfill other people's expectations.
Seeking too much approval from others will make us overly concerned about their evaluations, abandoning our true selves, and ultimately living in other people's lives.
In simple terms, it means: do not have expectations of others, and do not live to fulfill others' expectations.
Separating Issues#
- It is your issue to bring the horse to the river, and it is the horse's issue whether to drink water or not.
- How you view yourself is your issue, and how others view you is their issue.
The book asserts that basically all interpersonal conflicts arise from interfering in other people's issues or having our own issues interfered with by others.
The method to determine whose issue it is is very simple, just consider "who will ultimately bear the consequences of a certain choice".
Understand that how others evaluate your choices is their issue, and you cannot control it at all.
Separating issues makes interpersonal relationships much simpler. When you clarify each other's issues and choose to believe in this perspective, you will not care too much about others' evaluations and will not seek their approval.
Freedom#
The so-called freedom is being disliked by others and accepting it.
Everyone does not want to be disliked by others, but everyone will definitely be disliked by others. Only by freeing oneself from interpersonal interactions can one obtain freedom, and it is simply impossible for a person to not be disliked by anyone. That is to say, freedom is (accepting) being disliked by others.
- Pay no attention to others' evaluations;
- Do not fear being disliked by others;
- Do not pursue recognition from others.
Do not idealize the world too much. Romain Rolland once said: "Realism without ideals is meaningless, and idealism detached from reality is lifeless."