All Troubles Come from Interpersonal Relationships#
Inferiority#
Two definitions:
- Inferiority complex: feeling lacking in some aspect of oneself.
- Inferiority syndrome: believing that because of lacking in some aspect, one cannot achieve success/feel happiness.
Dialectical relationship:
- Having a bit of inferiority complex is not a bad thing, as it can drive us to strive for improvement.
- However, having an inferiority syndrome is a bad thing, as it easily leads to determinism, fatalism, nihilism, and ultimately disappointment with life.
All troubles come from interpersonal relationships, and any fear of oneself can ultimately be traced back to interpersonal relationships, causing suffering because of them.
We fear being hurt in a relationship, so we choose to close ourselves off. But as long as there is interpersonal interaction, we will inevitably be hurt.
Comparison#
"Comparing oneself to others" hinders the development of happiness.
Because of comparing ourselves to others, we cannot feel happy. Education, work, height—if there were no other individuals in this world, we would not be bothered by these things.
Competition#
Competing with others is harmful, while competing with (one's ideal) self is beneficial. The book bluntly concludes: if there is competition in interpersonal relationships, it is impossible for a person to be free from the troubles brought by interpersonal relationships and to escape unhappiness.
Therefore, the heart of competition should never exist. In fact, isn't internal friction and competition a manifestation of a strong competitive spirit?
As long as competition exists, there will always be winners and losers. Compared to oneself, everyone around us belongs to others, and countless others can be objects of competition.
Football, painting, learning, socializing... in any aspect, there will always be people who are better than oneself. Viewing the world with a competitive attitude will result in different inferiority complexes and self-doubt from different people, leading to an inability to make progress.
Similarly, viewing the world with a competitive attitude will gradually see everyone as competitors, feeling that everyone is an "enemy" who can deceive, ridicule, attack, or even harm oneself at any time, and cannot be taken lightly. The mind cannot withstand this pressure in the long run, and such a mindset will make one view the world pessimistically, dislike the world, distance oneself from the world, and detach from reality.
The terrifying aspect of the competitive spirit is that even if one is not a loser, they can never be at peace for a moment and can never truly trust others. Many people cannot feel happy despite achieving social success because they live in competition.
In fact, the only one who truly cares about your face is yourself, and your true "enemy" is also yourself.
Revenge#
The trap of interpersonal interaction is the power game.
The power game refers to winning in competition to prove one's strength. Once you realize that someone wants to involve you in this game (such as arguing about right and wrong), you should quickly avoid participating. Apologizing and yielding does not mean admitting one's failure; on the contrary, it is a victory to escape the trap.
In interpersonal relationships, once you try to make the other person believe "I am right," it implies that the other person is wrong, and you have already entered the power game.
Because once you participate in the power game, there will always be winners and losers, and the seeds of revenge are sown. The loser will try various means to seek revenge on the winner in other situations.
The philosopher in the book said that if someone insults him face-to-face, he would consider the hidden "purpose" of that person, rather than just the direct insult.
Companions#
No matter how fast you are, there will always be someone faster than you, and no matter how slow you are, there will always be someone slower than you. Some people are ahead, while others are behind. If life is a competition with anyone else, it is destined to be painful.
Our attitude towards the world is a subjective judgment. As an attitude, the disadvantage is that it is influenced by surrounding factors, but the advantage is that we can actively choose a certain attitude instead of passively accepting it.
If "everyone is my companion" is taken as one's attitude, then the (subjective) perception of the world will be completely different. The world will no longer be a dangerous existence, and one will no longer live in unnecessary suspicion. The world in your eyes will become a safe and comfortable place, and the troubles of interpersonal relationships will be greatly reduced.
A healthy sense of inferiority comes from comparing oneself to oneself, constantly surpassing oneself.
The Three Major Issues of Life#
Treating others as "enemies" instead of "companions" is because you are avoiding the issues of life that you must face. When an individual wants to survive as a social being, they will inevitably encounter interpersonal relationships that they must face, which are the issues of life.
According to the distance and depth of interpersonal relationships, the issues of life can be divided into 1. work issues, 2. friendship issues, 3. love issues. The difficulty increases in that order.
No matter how difficult it is, it cannot be avoided. The least desirable thing is to stop making progress in the current state.
Being afraid of dealing with people and seeing others as dangerous beings, situations where one tries to set up various excuses to avoid the issues of life are called "life lies." Relying on life lies to close oneself off in order to avoid being hurt is rooted in a lack of courage to face setbacks.